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第3章 一锤子买卖

　　But I, and the rest who continued well, enjoyed fully thebeauties of the scene and season; they let us ramble in the wood, likegipsies, from morning till night; we did what we liked, went wherewe liked: we lived better too. Mr. Brocklehurst and his family nevercame near Lowood now: household matters were not scrutinised into; thecross housekeeper was gone, driven away by the fear of infection;her successor, who had been matron at the Lowton Dispensary, unused tothe ways of her new abode, provided with comparative liberality.Besides, there were fewer to feed; the sick could eat little; ourbreakfast-basins were better filled; when there was no time to preparea regular dinner, which often happened, she would give us a largepiece of cold pie, or a thick slice of bread and cheese, and this wecarried away with us to the wood, where we each chose the spot weliked best, and dined sumptuously.

　　A touch of a spurred heel made his horse first start and rear,and then bound away; the dog rushed in his traces; all three vanished,

　　'What does He say?'

　　All John Reed's violent tyrannies, all his sisters' proudindifference, all his mother's aversion, all the servants' partiality,turned up in my disturbed mind like a dark deposit in a turbid well.Why was I always suffering, always browbeaten, always accused, forever condemned? Why could I never please? Why was it useless to try towin any one's favour? Eliza, who, was headstrong and selfish, wasrespected. Georgiana, who had a spoiled temper, a very acrid spite,a captious and insolent carriage, was universally indulged. Herbeauty, her pink cheeks and golden curls, seemed to give delight toall who, looked at her, and to purchase indemnity for every fault.John no one thwarted, much less punished; though he twisted thenecks of the pigeons, killed the little pea-chicks, set the dogs atthe sheep, stripped the hothouse vines of their fruit, and broke thebuds off the choicest plants in the conservatory: he called his mother'old girl,' too; sometimes reviled her for her dark skin, similar tohis own; bluntly disregarde

　　'Probably you would do nothing of the sort: but if you did, Mr.Brocklehurst would expel you from the school; that would be a greatgrief to your relations. It is far better to endure patiently asmart which nobody feels but yourself, than to commit a hasty actionwhose evil consequences will extend to all connected with you; andbesides, the Bible bids us return good for evil.'

　　'Do you feel as if you should sleep, Miss?' asked Bessie, rathersoftly.

　　'Oh, you are quite a lady, Miss Jane! I knew you would be: you willget on whether your relations notice you or not. There was something Iwanted to ask you. Have you ever heard anything from your father'skinsfolk, the Eyres?'

　　In the clear embers I was tracing a view, not unlike a picture Iremembered to have seen of the castle of Heidelberg, on the Rhine,when Mrs. Fairfax came in, breaking up by her entrance the fierymosaic I had been piecing together, and scattering too some heavyunwelcome thoughts that were beginning to throng on my solitude.

　　I now stood in the empty hall; before me was the breakfast-roomdoor, and I stopped, intimidated and trembling. What a miserablelittle poltroon had fear, engendered of unjust punishment, made ofme in those days! I feared to return to the nursery, and feared togo forward to the parlour; ten minutes I stood in agitated hesitation;the vehement ringing of the breakfast-room bell decided me; I mustenter.